Discouragement and Annoyance

Well, it's been awhile since I've posted. It's been a little crazy around school, with stuff being due, the kids being crazy, media center visits, the kids being crazy, day-long meetings, etc.

Did I mention the kids are being crazy?

Yes, they are. Apparently something's in the water, because the students have begun doing things that are quite unexpected. For example, on Thursday, I had to write 2 discipline referrals. (Those are the official, going-into-their-permanent-record forms that are essentially an invitation to speak with their administrator and receive a consequence... the lovely forms which give the teachers only 3 tiny lines to explain what happened...) In case I haven't mentioned it, I don't write referrals. Yes, I have before, of course, but I just simply don't, as a rule, have to write them, because I deal with my behavior issues in my classroom myself as a general rule, so I just don't let it get that far.

But I had to write 2 of them. 2! Same day, actually same situation, so I guess maybe that makes it better? Maybe?

Essentially, the issue was two of my students just completely stopped listening to me. As in, I asked them to stop talking and get to work, and they started singing over the sound of my voice. They said things like, "NO!," "You can't make me," "I'm going to sue you," "Shut up," "You don't know what I'm doing, so you don't know what you're talking about," and finally, when I'd had enough and told them they would be receiving a detention as a consequence, they told me that "I won't be coming, so it doesn't matter." When I dismissed them, to catch their bus as it was the end of the day, they ran out screaming and cheering, so loudly some of the other students in the hallway jumped.

This type of the thing has the distinct honor of making a teacher crazy. Honestly, how do you respond to things like that? Nothing I tried worked; nothing I usually have success with in getting the students to do what I am asking worked.

So I had to write them up, and I don't really regret it. At all. I feel a little crazy as I think about it, just because they made me so very angry.

I feel discouraged, sure that I'm doing everything the wrong way, sure I can't do anything right, and sure I am a total failure. An angry, total failure, because I am still really, really angry. The students treated me as less than a human, and it is crazy-making.

I am seriously looking forward (in a strange way) to going back to school. The other students really need to make up for this situation, before it gets any deeper sunk into my mind and causes great stresses. I need to have some success, some special learning moment, some kid telling me that they finally understand a concept, something special, so I can just chalk this experience up as a bad day, albeit a really, really bad day, and be able to move on.

So I really hope my students cooperate.