Conversational Snippets

I spend a good deal of time listening to the children as they talk, either to me or amongst themselves.  I learn all sorts of things this way.  

Sometimes I learn what's in right now (have you ever heard of You*Tube, Ms. Language Arts Lady?  It's really fun!)

Sometimes I learn how much they're understanding the current lesson.  (Or not.  Did you know that setting was not the place/time where something happened, like I thought, but why someone did something?  i.e., the setting is why the boy hit his sister.  Yeah, apparently we need to do that lesson over again.)

Sometimes I hear things that simply hilarious, insane, or silly.  Here are some examples of recent conversational snippets. 

"Ms. Language Arts Lady?  May I have a band-aid?"

"Are you bleeding?"

"No."

"Then why do you need a band-aid?"

"I was bleeding.

"But you're not actually bleeding now."

"No."

"So, again, why do you need a band-aid?"
A blank stare is my answer.

"They're in the cabinet.  Top shelf."

"Do I need to turn this in?"  (asking about the classwork that I just collected from every other student in the room.)

"Well, no, you don't have to, but if you would like to get credit for it, then yes.  I can't grade it if you don't give it to me."

"So does that mean you want it?"

"Do I need to put my name on this paper?"

"No, you don't.  Only if you want me to know it was your paper, so I can give you a grade for it."

"Okay." (Then proceeds to turn it in without putting their name on it.  I give it back).

"Wait, Ms. Language Arts Lady!  You can't move on!  I haven't finished copying the notes!"

"Did you start copying the notes?  Because there's nothing on your desk."
"No!  I didn't, because I can't find my notebook!!" (Frantic digging around in his backpack ensues. )  "Someone stole it!  Someone stole my notebook!"

"Now, Scattered, I'm sure no one stole your notebook!  Who would want it?  They all have their own notebooks!"

"Well, it was on my desk and now it's gone!!!!"  (Seriously freaking out now.)

"Hey, Scattered?  Is that it, under your desk?"

He freezes, and doesn't move for 10 seconds (not sure why...).  Then he slowly leans over and looks.  "Yes, that's it!!"

*sigh*

(Overheard, two students talking)
"I got lunch detention today."

"Oh, really?  Who gave it to you?"

"Ms. Language Arts Lady.  She said I was talking during the announcements, but I wasn't."

"That sucks!  So are you going to go?"

(I join the conversation)

"Yes, he's going to go, if he doesn't want to receive a stricter consequence.  Oh, and, for the record, you were talking through the announcements.  Again."

(Both children looked quite startled, not realizing I was listening.)

"I wasn't going to not show up!" (asserts the child in trouble)

"Good to know."

 I honestly think that these little bits of their thoughts and feelings, while sometimes driving me completely insane, are what keeps me going back every day.  You just never know what will come out of their mouths next.

6th graders do say the craziest things!

No Stupid Questions, Part 2

Once again, I stopped to reflect on the idea of there being no stupid questions, except maybe the one you didn't ask.

If you ask me, that person just doesn't hang around with 6th graders.

Some gems I have recently heard:

"Who had the highest grade on our team?" - Why on earth would I remember that?

"Can I use my extra credit on the standardized test?" - Um... no. But thanks for thinking that my classroom stuff is so important as to affect the huge standardized test we do every year. I think.

"Does the word 'reign' mean the same as the word 'rain'?" - This was mere seconds after they had just answered (correctly, mind you) my question about the meaning of the word.

"Do I have to read this book?" - As they were signing up for their book for the project. Um, I guess you don't have to read it. But I also don't have to give you a grade for what you are not going to do.

"What did he say?" - Interrupting me to ask what another student said, who was already interrupting me to talk across the room.

"Can I have my cell phone back?" - This after one of the other student's phone rang in my class, because he had called him from my class, two rows over. Um, no, you cannot have your phone back. You'll get it eventually. When I have gotten over being mad. Eventually.

"Do I have to use a pencil?" - After I said, for the fourth or fifth time, you must use a pencil on this test.

"Am I really going to fail?" - This from a child who has not done one single homework assignment this year, and by year I mean this school year, not calendar year, and who fails every test. Um... yes. I am afraid you'll fail, unless you actually do something.

Why do they ask such ridiculous things?

Oh, well. At least they keep me on my toes.

No Stupid Questions, Part 1

I know the lovely, oft-repeated phrase, "The only stupid question is an unasked question," or even more exact, "There is not stupid question," is essentially true. However, I don't think that whomever it was that came up with those phrases ever worked with 12-year-olds.

For instance, how can "Do I need to put my name on my paper?" be anything but stupid? I honestly know that the kids, for the most part, aren't thinking about what they are saying, but come on. That one's a no-brainer. How do they really expect me to answer? "No, dear. Don't put your name on your paper. I will do the same thing that guy does on The Dead Zone, and I will be able to see who wrote the paper... as well as the fact your little sister is in imminent danger at home!" Of course, most of the time I simply look at them a little tiredly, and tell them please put their name on their paper.

The ironic part of it all is that they know what I do with no-name papers! I write in huge letters over the whole sheet "NAME?!" and tape it on the wall. Plus, they lose 10 points, if they ever identify it and turn it in again! They have all seen the drama (or experienced it themselves) when a fellow classmate discovers their paper on the wall, and the tears and emotions as they try to convince me they don't deserve to lose 10 points.

So, I am starting a new post series, entitled, "No Stupid Questions," highlighting the brilliance that comes out of the mouths of 12-year-olds. It can be some great stuff.

Other old favorites:

"Is this for a grade?" If it wasn't for a grade, I wouldn't tell you, because then you wouldn't do it. You are just inviting me to lie.

"Do I have to do this assignment?" No, you don't. You can get a zero, instead.

"Can I go to the bathroom?" I guess this one isn't stupid, but it bothers me anyway. As an English teacher, I have to fix this, and I tire of fixing it... I don't know, CAN you go to the bathroom? I am just not in the position to know that...

And the last one for today:

"What is my current grade?" This one is stupid because of they way they ask it 90% of the time... by raising their hand, while I am in full-teaching mode, to ask it.