Why Do Parents Believe Children?

Seriously.  If your 12-year-old tells you that she doesn't have homework anymore because we've had our standardized test... don't believe her.

If your son, a 6th grader, tells you that they don't send report cards home anymore, even though the sign at the front of the school says they go home on the 10th, don't believe him.

I must have had a different type of mother, because she never believed my crazy lies.  I don't believe my student's crazy tales, but their parents do.

And that's really sad.

But if I get one more voicemail or email from a parent, claiming crazy things, I am seriously going to have to restrain myself from saying something to the effect of, "Do you really think that I said that?  That, even though on the progress report, her grade was a 11%, she actually has a 95%, and it was just a mistake?  Are you that stupid?"  

Because this past progress report, the children apparently all joined in a conspiracy to lie to their parents, causing an endless stream of confusion and consternation, culminating in parents yelling about how they can't believe that we don't fix the errors in the computers before sending progress reports home.

Um, parents? 

Your child lies.  It's a phase they go through several times in their growth to adults, and apparently especially right now.  Love them, trust them, but then check everything they say, especially if it seems like it doesn't make sense.

And stop blaming me!  I promise I didn't tell your child that they don't need to pass my class to get out of 6th grade.

I actually said, "Do your work or you'll have summer school."

Believe me.  I outgrew the lying phase years ago.

Common Sense No Longer Common?

Why on earth do parents let their children see movies that I would not see? Movies rated PG-13 should not be common fare for my students, as they are... not 13 yet.

Unless there is a redeeming feature of the movie (like important historical content), or if the parent has already seen it and was confused about why it's rated PG-13, 6th graders shouldn't watch. (For instance, when I first saw Ever After with Drew Barrymore, it was rated PG-13, but when it was released on video, it was revised to be rated PG).

They just shouldn't.

They are CHILDREN, who already live in a world that forces them to grow up way, way too fast. They don't need this pictures and ideas and words in their heads, especially when their minds are not mature enough to process them properly.

For instance, there simply is not very many students in my class who has not seen Epic Movie. This movie is rated PG-13 for these reasons: crude and sexual humor, language and some comic violence (according to www.cara.org, which is the Classification and Ratings Administration, which gives reasons for moving ratings).

Why would you want your 11- or barely 12-year-old to see anything with sexual humor? They are babies!

Another movie most has seen is 300, which is rated R for these reasons: graphic battle sequences throughout, some sexuality and nudity. Another winner for your 6th grader.

How about Scary Movie? Rated R: for strong crude sexual humor, language, drug use and violence. Most of the kids have seen one or all of these movies.

I am just a little depressed thinking about this. It's bad enough the life some of the these kids are forced to live, and things at home and at school they're forced to see. Why give them even more things to worry about and clutter up their minds?

I tell them I don't think it's a good idea for them to watch that type of movie, but they then go on to tell me what else they've seen, and it just makes me sadder... they have seen harmless movies (like the recent Prince Caspian or Alvin and the Chipmunks) but they have also seen movies I won't watch.

It's just really sad to think about...

Really sad.

Save Me from Theme Parks

Now, I love theme parks like most people. I love the rides, the fun, the learning experiences provided by them (some of them, at least), and the shopping!

But please, don't make me take 100 12-year-olds with me.

We recently went on a large, end-of-the-year field trip. It was lovely. But it was exhausting.

On my team, I did all the work. All of it. I made the letter to send home. I made the permission slip. I made the list of the kids going, the kids not going, the bus list, I collected the paperwork for the parents who wanted to chaperone, I made the groups, I made the free/reduced lunch list (even down to milk choices), I filled out the form, then I drove to get all of our tickets.

I seriously did almost everything.

Now that it's over, I feel a great sense of accomplishment. I managed to get 100 kids out of school, to the right place, and back to school with no losses or injuries!

I know that on my team, at least two other people would have helped me (the women, I'm sorry to say, as I have come to the conclusion that men (or at least the men on my team) stink at organizing things, and can barely do things if told exactly what to do), and one of them was very willing to help, but still, I did it all.

We did have lots of fun, I admit. We have much better behaved kids than last year, so that was a huge plus. The bus ride to and from was awesome when compared to last year. The kids just sat there, and talked quietly (or sang. Not sure what's going on, but the newest thing they like to do is sing in groups. It drives me crazy. They're supposed to be working, and they start singing.) Last year, we had yelling, kids up and walking around, eating, throwing things; just general chaos.

Riding on a bus (with air conditioning no less!) that just rode the bus was restful.

Upon arriving, the kids quickly ate their lunches, then entered the park with their chaperones and scattered. The teachers all heaved a great sigh of relief, as we managed to get there unharmed and managed to get approximately 400 6th graders away from school, off the bus, and in the park, with no damage. It amazes me how much logistical planning it takes to get the kids off of school grounds, and taking the entire 6th grade makes it even more difficult.

Then we enter the park with our group of kids, and simply enjoy the day.

I got completely soaked on the water ride.

One of the boys (we had all boys with us) dumped his lemonade all over my pants and foot.

One of the other boys showed an alarming tendency to wander off, as he didn't really want to be with us in the first place.

But otherwise it was a fun time had by all.

Do Not Lie to Your Mother!

Three times this past week I received irate messages from mothers saying, "Why did you ________ to my child? He/She didn't do that!" Each time what I did was different, and each time I had not done that to their child!

I am tired of children who lie to their mothers, and then their mothers are annoyed with me. It's not my fault!

Like a student whose cell phone I had taken. The mother called me and asked why I had unfairly confiscated her child's cell phone. Before I even tried to defend myself, I asked what their child had told them... and was told that I took it out of his backpack, for no reason, and he was just sitting there when I swooped down and took it.

I had to laugh.

I said, "Um, that's not quite what happened." Then I explained what had happened. In the first place, our school policy says that students may have cell phones if their parents are worried about their safety getting home. However, they are required to be in their backpack at all times, and off at all times. This does not mean in their pocket.

Her child had his phone out, and was playing games on it. Then, after I had told him sternly to put it away, it had rung during class. That was it; I had taken it. I turned it over to the 6th grade office, and they now had it, so if she wanted to pick it up, she was welcome to do so.

Boy, was she mad, and thankfully not at me, but at her child. I doubt he'll see that phone again for awhile, regardless of when she actually picks it up.

Another student had told her mother that I had not accepted her work, and she wasn't sure why.

Again, irate voicemail. I explained again... she was turning stuff in that was not even from this 9 weeks. Our team has a no-late work policy, but in any case, even if I had made an exception, it was from 4 months ago. I believe any excused work reason had expired.

Finally, a mom was mad because, "I picked on her daughter and had embarrassed her in front of the entire class."

Her daughter had burped in my class, while it was relatively quiet, and she had been playing up everyone for awhile before that to make everyone laugh. It was easy to tell she made it louder than it needed to be, since it was forced sounding, and not at all stifled. So I told her to leave the classroom, and I would be with her in a minute.

The mom told me it was "a natural bodily function, and you can't punish a child for that."

I explained that in my years of teaching, I had never, not even once burped while I was in the classroom. I told her that it wasn't a tiny burp, it was very loud. I explained that I always kicked the kids out when they did things like that, as I didn't want to tell them in front of the all the children that I find them rude and their behavior unacceptable. I personally would find this more embarrassing than being told this same information outside.

So she was finally satisfied with my answers, but not really with my actions.

Do I overreact to burping? I don't think so. Kids these days seem to be deteriorating in manners. I feel that as their teacher, it's part of my job to ensure that they will be able to be in polite society, and manners are a necessary part of that. If they're not getting them at home, I am hopefully helping them learn some. Plus, and this might be more accurate, they are kids. They need reminders.

Anyway, it was a long, long week.

I hope next week will be better.

Wait... next week is the TEST. And we have two parents conferences.

Oh, help.

Where are Your Parents?

Why is that I see my students wandering the streets randomly on weeknights or weekends?

There is a large shopping center relatively close to where I live, and I have noticed that entire herds of middle schoolers (and high schoolers) roam there, every weekend at least, but most weeknights, too.

So much so that they have increased security, and the police department has large presence there.

Why on earth would you allow your 11- and 12-year-old wander, unsupervised? How on earth could you justify it? It's simply not safe.

We have all seen the news, about kids snatched and not returned. Why make it easy for them, and release your child in a contained place, and make it like shooting fish in a barrel?
It really disappoints me.

I mean, I was shopping the other day, and I felt like a movie star as I was walking around with my friends, hearing my name shrieked in excitement, followed by kids chasing me down and hugging me.

On the one hand, it was nice they wanted to see me that badly. On the other, I ask, always without fail, where is your mother?

Oh, she's at home.

Oh, I say. What is there to say to that?

Remember, parents, just because your kid says, "But all the other kids are doing it!" doesn't make it true.

And even if it is true, you don't have to listen. Keep your child safe!

Or go with them. It'll keep them safe, even if they don't like it.

Keep your kids at home!

Why Do They Lie?

We have been slammed recently on our team (and I think our whole school) with parent conferences, since report cards have gone home recently, and since this time, there was a little letter attached explaining the retention/promotion policy, so parents became aware of just how serious those Fs in math, language arts, social studies, and science truly are.

Something we have noticed about our kids in these conferences is that they lie. They will stare you in the face and lie to their parents and to you. Then, they will look ashamed and sob.

Why do they do that? They know we are right there listening to them and we will bust them. For example, one student told his mother that he always does his homework in class, every day, so that's why he doesn't ever have homework.

Now, this is not true. In all of the classes on my team, we simply do not do homework in class, because we're busy doing classwork. It is a very, very rare occasion that allows them to even start their homework in class, let alone finish it. In my class, we perhaps begin homework in class once a month.

So of course, all of his teachers explained that this was not true, and he just doesn't ever do his homework, showing her the print out of his grades, which show he hasn't done any homework this 9 weeks.

Why would they do that? It incenses their parent, who is sitting right there, having to listen to people telling them their child isn't doing what they are supposed to. They are already annoyed, then to be confronted by their child lying? It embarrasses them, and makes for embarrassing scenes for us, the teachers, as the parent struggles with their anger and frustration at their child, and as the kid sobs.

Then, why do they lie when you sat and watched them do something? For instance, one of my troublemaking boys has recently been getting in quite a bit of trouble with all of his teachers.

His parents have been up to the school multiple times, the teachers call home weekly, we write notes in his planner every day, and more, but he still is struggling with his behavior.

He was sitting in class after he finished a test, and he was supposed to be reading his book. Instead, he had pulled out a toy and was playing with it.

In my class.

In the front row, during a test (so I am watching to make sure no one is talking or cheating), seconds after I had told him to read his book.

Then, after I took it away, he argued with me for 15 minutes about it. I finally tired of it, and told him to go and sit down, so he sat and pouted for the rest of class. After class, he came over to try to sweet talk me, to try to get it back.

I told him that he would have to have a good couple of days in a row to earn it back, which is my normal policy. Most kids are aware of their item in my possession, hanging over their head, and they get it back quickly.

Instead of accepting this and leaving, he starts to argue. Again.

He tells me that he was, "Just taking it out of my pocket to put something else away."

Now, I know this is a lie, since I watched him pull it out and play with it for awhile. I told him this, and how I had watched him play with it, and he said, "No, I was putting something away!"

I told him that he needed to leave now (since class was over and my other kids were trying to come in, but were hovering confusedly in the doorway, not sure if they could come in or not).

He starts shrieking about how it is his and he wasn't doing anything and it wasn't fair.

I was finished.

I wasn't going to sit and be yelled at by a child who had flat out lied to me about a dumb toy that shouldn't have been at school in the first place.

Later, at his parent conference, I told his parents about the incident, and his dad told me to just throw the toy away.

I love when parents are supportive. It makes me feel better about the struggles I have with their kids.

But I still don't understand why the kids lie to me. Or to their parents.

Why?

A Whole New Year!

Well, it's a brand new year! How exciting.

Well, it should be exciting. And it is, mostly... but also challenging.

I have been very busy recently, and haven't really had a chance to get anything posted, but everything should be calming down soon... hopefully.

Well, a quick update on what's been going on:

• The first day back from break, we had a parent conference scheduled. We all thought that this was insane, and that we had a lot of work to do to get ready for a new year, and getting back into the groove, but we all met in the designated place... and the parents never came. It's not like we asked for the conference... they did. The child is getting all As and Bs, and while she could easily have straight As, it's just because she's being way too social. My whole team was irritated (since you have to wait, because if they show up, pretty much no matter how late, you have to meet with them.) They rescheduled the conference (never mentioning the one they just missed) for a few days later, then sent us all emails saying how sorry they were since they had to cancel the meeting. I was thinking to myself, "You're sorry for telling me in advance you're not coming, but you're not sorry for just not showing up?"
• One of my students, Trouble, may be going to an alternative school, which hopefully will get him the help he needs and give him the structure he needs.
• Another student, Stubborn, is being removed from my class and put into a special language class, since he needs so much low-level help... this might be good for him, but maybe not, since he seems to have bonded with me...
• We are now entering the push towards the standardized tests that are coming relatively soon... I feel crazed already. I need to get them to understand informational text, plus cause/effect, comparison/contrast, strong vs. weak argument, and fact vs. opinion, and not forget everything else we've done all year. Help!
• The kids came back totally mellow from the break... which is almost unheard of, at least with middle school kids. They must have been extremely busy, and are glad to get back to the slow pace of school...?
• The mouse is doing well, and she has grown an amazing amount since I got her... the kids were amazed. She is also fat (thanks mom, for taking such good care of her...) and doesn't like to eat her mouse food, as it's boring. She'll get over that really quickly, though, or starve. The science teacher on my team wants to give her a temporary mouse friend, so we can have mouse babies... but we'll see about that.

I think that's all the major stuff that happened this first week back... hopefully all will remain calm, and the kids will just learn everything just like they're supposed to do...

Well, I can hope, right?

When Grades Are Due...

I hate the week grades are due. It's always a crazy week; for some strange reason, everything that the school needs to get done or needs you to get done happens during that week. Scoliosis screening. Vision screening. Field trips for random clubs, groups, etc. Trainings for peer mediation. Trainings for SAFE Ambassadors. Half the stuff that's going on makes no sense to me... someone calls on my phone, and asks for a specific student. That student leaves, and comes back seemingly hours later, of course missing the entire lesson or the entire test. No one ever wants my kids when we're doing fluffy stuff, or review. Just new stuff or tests.

Plus, the kids go a little stir-crazy, maybe knowing grades are coming, but most likely just because the teachers are a little distracted, and therefore unable to totally focus, causing chaos.

I wanted my grades done a little early this time, so I worked hard last week to get all my grades into the computer, and all set to go. And it worked! Mostly. I still had to adjust some grades, and I still had to add a few more assignments here and there, and I still had to physically hit the little button in the grade program so it will port the grades over into the right spaces, but still... I got to leave almost on time today, which is a low-level miracle.

So while the kids were with me today, I attempted to give them assignments that would enable the kids to work alone, with just minor assistance from me, so that I could do the last little bit of my grade stuff. It's a great thing, watching them work all on their own, doing what they need to do. They got into their groups, got started on their work, and it worked beautifully. To start with.

But, alas, this did not work for long. They still had to ask 1,000,001 questions, mostly ridiculous questions, of the type that is really annoying when you're busy and almost humorous when you're not.

Oh, well. I did it, and I'm glad it's over.

Before I got them started on their group work, we did our third musical journal. It went just as wonderfully as it has before. I am really thrilled that I thought of this idea; a sneaky way to get them to write and not whine about writing.

Today's song was "Everything" by Michael Buble. They enjoyed it! Honestly, if you know what type of songs he sings, it really is a strange concept that 12-year-olds enjoy it... but they did. (He sings jazzy, old-style music, vaguely pop, I guess... very enjoyable).

So far, I only have done it with 2 of my 5 classes, so more on Monday, but they liked it, and they're my 'tough' kid class, so that's great.

Of course, there is always one or two who didn't enjoy it, but that's to be expected. The ones who didn't like it this time were both boys, and the reason they didn't like it? He said, "La, la, la, la" at the end. I'm not kidding. This is why they didn't like it.

The funniest part? The boys were not in the same class.

The decided it was a man singing passionately to his wife/girlfriend (I asked if he was singing to both, but they adamantly said one or the other), on a beach, stage, or in a coffee-house, and he just loves her to pieces.

Even the boys wrote things like love, beaches, etc. It's very endearing (and hilarious) to hear a little 6th grade boy talk about true love, and how much this guy loves his girl.

So on Monday I have the rest of my classes to look forward to sharing the song with. It'll be nice, since I'm dreading the release of Report Cards, as parents always go crazy, seeing their child has an F. It's amazing (at least to me) that they're surprised at report card time that their child is failing, since they were failing at progress report time. What did they think would happen? A magic fairy would come and make their child suddenly an ideal student, instead of one who turns in nothing?

Oh! Something else I'm dreading? Halloween. I like candy as much as the next person (maybe even a little more than the next person, to be perfectly honest), but the kids don't need more energy! The day after Halloween (and sometimes Easter) is a terrible day to be a teacher. They are wired, crazy, loopy, energy, and quick to get really, really feisty. There will be fights over the candy, which is not supposed to be on campus at all. (They're allowed to bring a few pieces in their lunch boxes, but they're not allowed to be munching on it throughout the day).

So with report cards and Halloween in the same week? This ought to be a lot of fun.

Help?

The Daily Grind - Lies

Now that the school year is really underway, the days have settled into the daily grind. The kids come to school, I teach things, we do activities together, I assign homework, I attempt to collect homework, I listen to lies about homework, etc.

What is it about kids in 6th grade that makes them, when they face the teacher and have to say "I didn't do my homework, Ms. Language Arts Lady," choose instead to lie?

And really, really bad lies, too.

Ones I have heard (just this week):

• "My mom threw it away." I hear this one constantly. And it is very rarely true. If it IS true, the child left it in an unfortunate place, and mom was just cleaning.
• "My mother went through my backpack and took it out." WHY WOULD SHE DO THAT?? I ask, incredulously. I always get some variation of, I don't know, but she did. This has never been proven true, but I have heard it at least 20 times just this week.
• "I left it at home." Now, I do know that sometimes this one might be true, of course, but this one is the favorite phrase in every student, and used often as a lie covering what they should be saying, which is "I didn't do it." So I ask them: Why did you leave it at home? You knew you'd need it today... you wrote it in your planner, I reminded you as you left yesterday, you knew! Their response? "I don't know."
• "I left it in my other backpack." How many backpacks does one child need? I had one each year as a child, and that's it. If it would break, you would have to make do, or pull out last year's model and use that. Some of these kids seriously do have a backpack for every day of the week.
• "I was cleaning out my backpack and I left it on my bed." This little tale almost always includes the exact place they left it, as if telling me where it is currently will make me believe them. The way you can tell it's a lie? If you have ever seen the inside of a 6th grader's backpack, you know they NEVER clean them. It's amazing they don't get condemned and labeled toxic.

And many other crazy tales. This week I decided I was tired of the lies, so I started telling the students I knew they were lying to me, and they could stop.

It was actually a lot of fun, because the kids then felt bad they were lying (most of them) and told me the truth, and swore up and down they'd improve, etc.

Plus, if I have to listen, and look like I believe, that one more student's mom went through their backpack and threw away their homework, I was going to go mad.

Open House is Coming!

In the next week, my school will be having Open House, which is a time for parents to come and meet their child's teachers, if they didn't come during Meet Your Teacher. Of course, it's also a chance for some parents to attack the teacher, if their child received a grade they feel was in error on the progress report that went home last week.

I am honestly afraid to check my school email, knowing there will be at least some emails from parents, complaining that I "gave" their child a bad grade.

Grrrr... It really bothers me when they ask why I gave their child a bad grade. I don't give grades! I only reflect what was earned. And in our school district, they really have no excuse for not knowing a bad grade is coming, because we have an online grade system that allows them to check their child's grade 24/7.

But I digress.

Anyway, some parents expect different things from Open House than we plan (or even are able) to give them, including the chance to dialogue one-on-one about their child. With 100+ students, this is just not possible. I guess in elementary school, it might work that way, giving each parent a chance to have a brief chat with the teacher, while the other parents view the classroom and the stuff posted around the room. But if I spent just one minute with each set of parents, that's coming up on 2 hours, and that's how long the entire thing lasts.

What Open House essentially is supposed to be is a chance for the parents to see the classrooms now that the kids are in them and hear the teacher go through what the students do on a daily basis. They can see where their child sits, check out the textbooks, and see the teacher that their child has been praising or condemning for the past 5 weeks.

Previous years have seen crazy things done by parents (and their children as they watch).

Examples:

• Last year, a mom brought all of her children to Open House. There were many of them. (Which is fine; I understand you don't want to get a babysitter for this time, and big families are fun, and I'm not complaining about the size). Most noticeable, however, was the smallest one, who was right around 1 year old. She was bored, so she screamed and cried through my entire presentation. I am not talking little baby-noises; I'm talking five-alarm fire-type noises. The other parents were glaring at her something fierce, but she just smiled indulgently at the baby.
• A parent told me that I was not helping her child with his writing, and I needed to be working harder. Then she told me she was checking over everything I grade and hand back, so I need to be careful. Then she told me that she doesn't see how my reading logs (the homework my kids do every single night) are helping with his writing. I told her that reading logs are to help improve reading, not writing. At this point, I was supposed to have started my presentation. I was feeling quite freaked out, when one of the dads (not her husband, either) made the woman sit down and be quiet. On his way out, he apologized for her behavior. I was so grateful.
• One parent sat through my entire presentation, then asked if I was the math teacher. To make it worse, they then tell me their child is on a different team. Were you not listening to anything I said?? I also have our team name posted everywhere.
• One of my students apparently forgot that I have rules, and climbed on top of my of my desks. I usually don't like to correct students in front of their parents, because I feel when they're with them, it's their job, and I don't want to overstep my boundaries. Not this time.

It is fun, though, now that I am no longer completely freaked out at the thought of meeting parents. I get to see the kids in a different setting, usually as they're being proud to be the ones who know what's going on, since they are the ones who know where their classes are, and how the school day works, etc.

Well, here's hoping it all goes well!

I Hate the Rain, and Progress Reports

As I have mentioned before, the children are affected when it rains. Something in their brains suddenly change, and they go crazy.

Completely crazy.

I guess we could say the kids are more intelligent than we stodgy, old adults. We look on the rain as necessary but an inconvenience, and idly wish it would rain like it does in Camelot, only at convenient times. Maybe the kids are recognizing on a deeper level that the rain represents life, and because life will continue with the rain, they are rejoicing.

I know they just like to get wet, but it's still a nice thought.

I have had no less than 20 students come in completely soaked for no other reason than it looked like fun to run crazy in the rain.

I also had a boy earlier today who has a skinned elbow, because while he was running in the rain (because it looked like fun) he discovered that wet = slippery, and slid an apparently impressive distance, according to onlookers, all on his elbow.

He didn't go and get it looked at, of course, because that would interfere with playing in the rain. Instead, he waited until school started to be sent, so he would waste classtime versus play time.

Plus, the rain and damp and difference of it all makes them squirrelly. So all day today, I have had to remind them we don't yell in class, we don't throw things, and lots of other don'ts that should have been obvious. So I really do hate when it rains during school hours. I personally do love the rain, and I love to listen to it falling... just not during school.

And I also hate this time of year... PROGRESS REPORT TIME. Parents will soon be requesting parent conferences to discuss why I "gave their child an F."

I hate that phrase. I really don't sit up nights thinking about how I am going to ruin their day by giving their child a failing grade. I just calculate the grades, I really do. That's it.

But I know I'm going to be getting emails like crazy telling me about how their angel turned in everything even though it isn't in the gradebook (which the parents can now check online so if they had been keeping track of their child as much as they said they were, they'd have seen the zero before now...).

Oh, well. They go home Friday... so I am safe for one more day.

Meet the Teacher

My first year as a teacher coincided with the first year my county celebrated something they called "The First Days of School." Part of this celebration is called "Meet Your Teacher." Essentially, it's a chance to go the week before school, meet your teachers, pick up your schedule, pay for lunches, buy fitness uniforms, etc.

While this is a great idea, it stinks.

As a teacher going into the start of school, you now have to have your classroom ready to go, or at the very least, presentable, several days sooner.

But the worst of it was, my first year teaching, the parents come in and see me (and I frankly have an ageless face, which means I could be 18 or 30, but concerned parents immediately decide I am way too young for this), and start asking the tough questions. Like, "What does my child need for the entire year for your class?"

I thought to myself, I don't even know what your child will need next week... so you're outta luck for the entire year...

Then the scariest part was I was by my desk when the first parent shoved their child at me (the really did shove their little darlings at me... the first time it was funny, but soon nothing was funny) After that first parent and kid combo came, there was no let up... for 2... whole... hours. And I was trapped by my desk... there were so many parents wanting to meet me they were lined up out the door and down the stairs to my portable. When one parent took too much of my time, the other parents started grumbling. I just knew I was going to be killed by a parent brawl.

The only thing that saved me was the principal coming on the announcements, as promised, and telling the parents that while we are glad they came, the teachers need to eat, so they will now be locking their doors.

I was so exhausted and overwhelmed I just slid to the floor after locking my door and thought to myself, I am NOT supposed to be a teacher. I can't even answer simple questions!

Thankfully enough, my father had stopped by earlier and was basically encouraging, and my best friend stopped by to see how I had fared and ask when I could leave, because she wanted to go out to lunch. She had to knock a few times, because I didn't want to get off the floor and I didn't want to talk to another parent.

She plied me with liquids (talking for two straight hours had made me desperately thirsty) and bundled me off to lunch, where she told me I'd be fine, and stop whining.

She was right, but it was still overwhelming.

My second year went better, as I had answers and I knew better than to put myself somewhere I didn't want to spend 2 hours trapped.

I sat on the corner of my desk when standing became too much, which made me much happier, and I had a water bottle within arms reach.

This year I know I will be completely fine. I like meeting my new students, and it's fun to guess the personality of each... plus, I get a preview of which parents will be "difficult" and which will be "wonderful."

After all, they will be the ones who will feature most prominently in this blog. They make school interesting, and worthwhile.

It's Okay, Mom!

One of the things I love most about being a teacher is running into my students out in public. This is especially true of a middle school teacher, because I have between 120-150 students at any given time, so it really does up the odds I will spot one in my local Target or Publix run.

The student's reaction is what's so much fun, because they sometimes are just so happy to see me (and I think, why aren't you this happy in school to see me?) and sometimes they look freaked out, like they can't believe I was allowed out of school. Even though by 6th grade they know I don't really live at school, it's still in lodged firmly in their minds as a possibility.

But the absolute best part is their parents, and even more specifically, their mom. Parents wear varying looks of suspicion as their child talks with me. They don't want their kids to know someone as well as I obviously know them without them being aware of who I am as well. They always get this happy expression on their faces, and continually glance back and forth from me and their child, afraid to miss one word. It might make this whole thing easier on mom if the child would tell them who I am, but they never do.

I know it also might have something to do with the fact that I look pretty young. I'm not old, but I'm also not so young any more (I just had my birthday earlier this week, so I'm really feeling the not-so-young vibe) but I still look as if I might be in college, or even high school, depending on what I'm wearing. Moms just don't want their 6th grade babies to know anyone that age.

As I say goodbye, and I'll see you later, the mom gets a look a look in her eye that says as clearly as words, "You will not see my child later, or ever again, you crazy person!" I always walk away slowly and listen carefully. Invariably, I hear mom hiss, "Who was that?!" And my darling students always have this casual, I'm-so-cool-because-I-know-something-you-don't tone as they reply, "That's just my teacher, Mom."

It's okay, Mom! I'm not a sociopath after your child! I'm the one who makes you sign that infernal reading log every single week of your child's school year. And I'm the one who gave your child that F! Don't you wish you knew that while I was standing there?