Spring Fever - Part Two

So it's official... the kids have lost it, and taken me with them.  

Here are just some of things that occurred, just today.

-The student I call Scatted was being annoyed by the boy behind him.  This is not unusual, as 6th graders enjoy annoying the people around them, but the kid was just breathing.  Apparently (when I asked later) the kid's nose was whistling, and Scattered thought he was doing it on purpose.  

He responds by saying, at the top of his lungs:  "Dude, stop it!  Duuuuuuuuuudeeeeeee, stooooooooop it!"  (he continued in a loop for about 45 seconds, while I stared incredulously, until I couldn't take it anymore. 

-One of my girl students told me that she had to go to the bathroom to take care of 'her girl stuff.'   I gave her a pass, but she said that she wanted to take her friend with her.  I said no way, and she pitched a whining fit, while I stared at her in amazement.  I finally stopped the fit, and told her she could go to the bathroom by herself or not at all, and she said never mind and sat back down.  (I can't wait to hear from her parents, since I didn't let her go to the bathroom, so I'm torturing their child).

-Two of my boys were fighting over my pencil sharpener.  Neither of them needed it at the time. 

-A girl asked me if she could have an extra day for the homework she was just assigned.  I asked her why she would need it, since she hadn't even started it and so she couldn't know she couldn't do it.  She told me that she just didn't want to do any homework tonight.

-The kids have stopped coming back from lunch at a reasonable pace.  I think this is more to do with the fact they're becoming 7th graders, but this is really annoying.  We have split lunch, so we have 1/2 of class before lunch and 1/2 after.  When they take forever to get back we don't have time to finish anything.  Instead, they dance their way back and then all force themselves into the bathroom.  I know it has to be a fire hazard.

And finally, they just continue to ask ridiculous questions, and since it's just time for a break, I don't think it's as cute, funny, or harmless as usual.  We need rest!

Or lots and lots of chocolate.

(For me, not for the kids.  No sugar for them, please.)

A Bad Day

Remember when I mentioned Meet Your Teacher? It's the thing at the beginning of the year that allows the parents and kids to look at their teacher, follow their schedule and get a feel for where the classrooms are located, and so on.

It's the week before school starts. So we haven't seen gotten a roster yet, we don't know the names of any of our kids, we're still setting up the classroom, trying to get copies made, posters hung, and myriad other things that demands attention before school can begin.

Well, we recently had a parent conference with a parent, who screamed at me, and said she had told me that if I had ever had a problem with her child, that I was supposed to immediately pick up the phone and call her, and she would take care of the problem and make sure it didn't happen. That she had problems with her child last year, since midway through the year no work was completed.

I said sure, I could do that. So did the other teachers, back then at Meet Your Teacher. You know, the one that happened before school started. So I didn't know her, or her child, or even their names.

Now, if I was a parent, and I knew that my child had a habit like that, I would have let school get started, then called the teacher and had a little chat about what my child likes to do, and ask if the teacher could keep their eyes peeled for any indication it was happening, so that I could deal with it immediately.

But that is apparently too hard to do. It's much easier to wait until there is about 1 month left in the school year, make a conference, and scream at each of the teachers in turn about how you were not notified that you child was failing.

When it was mentioned that the report cards and progress reports serve as a notification, we were told that she had not "seen any f*** report cards." (not as bad as it could have been; it wasn't the actual word, but it was a pretty vulgar substitution anyway, and I must say it offended me.)

I'm really sorry, and maybe I could have said something to mollify her, but at this point, I shut down. I can't handle being screamed at, I really cannot. I mean, beyond the simple fact it's not polite, she has no right to speak to me in such a manner. I am not her child, I am not her servant. I am a professional, who has a real job, who went to school and worked hard for my degree, so that I could teach these children as I love to do. How dare she scream at me?

This really upset me, and I am still upset. I am not sure what she was hoping to get out of this, but I can assure you I am officially not committed to helping her figure out a solution.

This might be childish on my part, but I'm sorry, and I cannot help it. Maybe in 20 years time I will be more philosophical about it all, but not yet.

Add to the horror of getting yelled at by someone I don't know, we were not supposed to be alone with this parent, as administration has had previous contact with her, and she has been a little aggressive and belligerent. So, we were supposed to have an administrator and the guidance counselor, neither of whom came. I think someone outside of the situation would have helped immensely, as they could have said calming things and explained how it is not acceptable to speak to us like that, and ways to resolve the issue.

Instead, we have no resolution. The parent says that it's our fault her child is failing, because if we had just called, just once, it would have changed instantly.

We did try to explain that we sent home lots of things with her child, explaining she has received a low grade on something, or she wasn't doing something, or sending her tests home to be signed. When we pulled the child's file, it was stuff full of things from one class, then nothing from the other classes. When we showed her that her own signature was on the tests, she claims only one of them, and calmly tells us the rest are forged, and that her child is really good at forging.

Then, she tells us, that's not the problem, though. The forging wouldn't be happening if her child knew that she had received a phone call from the school.

Well, we're sorry, but we did not remember that you had talked to us, before we knew your child's name. So we didn't call, because, and this is the most annoying part, her child is in all advanced classes. So, we should not have to check up on her constantly, as she is in advanced classes. It's the same thing as how we do not have tutoring for the child, since they are in advanced classes, and if they cannot keep up, they need to not be in advanced.

Anyway. It was a very bad day, and I felt sad and snappish the remainder of the of the day. I don't blame the kids for their parents, since they cannot help it, but it's still hard to not see the mom when you look at the kid.

So, anyway. Parents need to remember that the vast majority of teachers really want whatever is best for your child, and if you work with them, and be polite and patient, they are thrilled to help you. I love my super-involved parents. They make my life much easier.

So. Just thought I'd share one of the very very negative things about teaching.

But I still love doing it.

Not sure why sometimes, but I do.

I'm Confused...

I am very confused about something; I just don't get it.

Why would a parent contact a teacher right before Spring Break, when grades are due before we leave, and ask what their child can do over the break to improve their grade?

Now, maybe if the parent didn't know when grades are due, that might make more sense. But as we had just had a parent conference, emails exchanged that begins to border on epic, and phone calls, all mentioning that grades are due before the break, it wasn't news.

This particular child had been doing nothing all 9 weeks. Nothing. So much nothing that she only had a 26%, and honestly, my absolute lowest kid (who is not capable of much, though the sweetest thing you'll ever meet) has managed a 69% this 9 weeks, so it's not the rigor of the work she cannot handle. She just won't do anything.

Not even classwork! Or group classwork!

Since at the time of progress reports her grade was low across the board, we had a parent conference and explained what the problem was. There was tears, promises, and threats exchanged during that conference, but the next day, the very next day, she did not have her homework, nor even a pencil to do her work!

I know that parents are not at school with their children, and they cannot control their every movement. Speaking from experience, however, if I had tried any of the stuff this child is pulling (and I did have my own troubles with schooling), I would have been punished so severely I don't know if I'd remember my name.

But I digress.

Why would you ask what to do to improve her grade? Even if you had her do everything she was missing in all of her classes (which I would make her do, myself, if I was her parent, regardless of if she got credit for any of it... it would teach her that she can't get out of the work by being lazy), as a team, we don't accept late work. If we made a super-huge exception, and offered 1/2 credit, she still would be failing, since she didn't do her classwork and she failed her tests.

Not only the fact that it's too late, we told you when we met a very short time ago what to do to improve her grade, but nothing happened. It's too late. The grades are in. I am not going through the humongous hassle of submitting a grade change for your child since she did nothing all this 9 weeks and you knew she was doing nothing.

So I am confused as to what you want to happen.

Well, actually, I know you just want her to get a passing grade, as you've told us that. And I know you want us just want us to "make it work," which I am guessing means just give her the passing grade.

But I'm not going to do that, as it's not fair to the students who have worked their rears off this 9 weeks, and it's not fair to the teachers, who have tried to work with you, and it's not fair to the 7th grade teachers, who will get your child next year, unable to do 6th grade work, let alone be up to doing 7th grade work.

I'm sorry, but sometimes children just need to fail, and learn there is a consequence to failure. It's not polite to talk about, but it's true.

So let her fail, teach her how to change it, and move on.

And please don't ask me, again, to change her grade!

Parent Conferences

I dread parent conferences.

When I was a new teacher, I dreaded parent conferences for different reasons. I was never quite sure how to judge their child's ability, then articulate this in a way that makes sense for the parent. I was afraid they'd look at me, and immediately want their child moved to another classroom, as I obviously was so young, and couldn't possibly know anything. Especially those parents who scheduled the conference because of the language arts grade.

I didn't really know how to tell them about their child's classroom behaviors, or what to tell them when they asked me how they can help their child improve. Essentially, it just made me really uncomfortable.

Now I'm not so uncomfortable meeting the parents, and I feel pretty confident about what I want to say and how to phrase it. I am not frightened of talking to them, as I used to be, and I am just chock full of the educational jargon that tells me exactly how to say what I need to without being overcritical and harsh.

Instead, I dread them because you simply never know how a parent is going to react.

This year, we have had a ridiculous amount of parent conferences, made even more ridiculous because we have had some with the same parents three times.

Sometimes, the parents come in with a massive attitude, mostly because they are embarrassed they have to be there in the first place. Somehow, in their mind, their child's misbehavior shows the entire world that they are terrible parents, and they have failed.

This is not true, parents. We do not view your child and say that you are a horrible parent. Since they are out of your site, and they are only children, you are not judged by their behavior, especially initially.

After we have met, or after we have communicated in some way about the trouble your child is having adjusting to the confines of the classroom, it does change a bit. When a parent promises that we will not see any of the negative behaviors anymore, and that they will be checking up on their child's homework and study time, but then does not follow through, we then start to wonder about what's really going on.

We still don't assume you're a bad parent! So parents don't need to come to their conferences so freaked out that they behave badly.

I can promise that you will be viewed negatively if you scream at me because your child got in trouble or about their grades. As the oft-repeated, annoying to hear, but ultimately very true expression says, "I do not give any child a grade... they earn them."

Sometimes parents come in obviously nervous, like they're afraid we are going to attack. Once they see how nice we are, the tend to relax, but they still look relieved when they are finally allowed to leave.

Other parents enter and are angry, but not at us. They are furious that their child has made them take time off of work to come and talk to all of their child's teachers. This is always intensified by the fact that it's generally because of unacceptable behavior or a total lack of effort on their child's parent, instead of a genuine lack of ability.

Sometimes the parents just sit there and get angrier and angrier, and you honestly feel bad for the child when they go home. This is especially true if they find out their child has been lying to his teachers and also to them.

Sometimes the parents start interrogating their child right there, and the kids starts crying. Sometimes the parents tell the kid right there what is going to be taken away when they get home that day. The kids tend to cry then, too.

Sometimes they reach over and smack them. Sometimes it's a little disturbing (not abusive at all, just a bit awkward), and other times it's hilarious. Like they bop them on their arm in frustration. Since we often feel like doing that, or shaking them when we don't understand their behavior, it's nice to see.

I guess the whole point of this is parent conferences are rarely something we look forward to, unless we have a large issue and are desperate to talk to a particular parent.

We have four next week, and I'm sure the only reason we don't have five is that they are not allowed to schedule ones on Tuesdays, because those are the days that we are supposed to be have meetings, if we need to have them.

We just had a fairly good one, where the parent seems to understand everything you say, and they promise to help the kid. Of course, the very next day the child was right back to his old behaviors, and didn't have his homework.

Another mother cried, and her son was horrified. He was good for just one full week... but he was perfect that week. Still, he didn't do any homework during that perfect behavior week.

Another recent one was... interesting. The parents were talking about how their child has all these problems, and needs lots of extra help, and we really need to be aware of the limitations of what we can expect in the way of classroom. However, until they meet with us, we had not known there was anything wrong or unusual with her. She was a little silly, but no more than any other 12-year-old. So we are watching her, but her difficulties all arise from her need to constantly talk.

And finally, we had a great conference, with a super-mom, who told us what she's now doing at home to help her son, and it was just great. After we leave conferences like that, we are always so much happier than when we get there.

So I guess that all conferences aren't the same. I guess I should change my mind about the idea of conferences.

I should, but I won't.

It's too easy to remember the ones who tell us horrible stories that just hurts my soul, or the ones who scream at us, or the ones who make things awkward by yelling at their child.

Ah, well. At least there are ones that work out nicely.

Thank goodness!